We’re not big sports fans here at The RollerBlog household. We do enjoy baseball (well, specifically, we’re loyal Mariners fans) and RollerReggie likes to watch the occasional soccer game, but that’s about it. We really don’t follow football, and the only Super Bowl game that I can recall watching took place three years ago when our own Seattle Seahawks were actually in the Super Bowl.
However, like most other households across the country, we’ll be tuning in to watch the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Arizona Cardinals today in Super Bowl XLIII. Why? Because it’s a darn good excuse to eat nachos and chicken wings. Because we’d like to see the Steelers go down after beating the Seawhawks three years ago. And, perhaps most importantly, because we’ll get a chance to watch all of the Super Bowl ads.
Advertisements have been providing an entertaining diversion during the Super Bowl for years. For a taste of the kinds of ads presented during the Super Bowl thirty years ago, check out the following advertisements from Super Bowl XIII in 1979:
Alien Quadrilogy
Drool, drool, drool. The Alien Quadrilogy tops my Christmas wish list this year. The boxed set includes 9 discs, including the original Alien (1979), Aliens (1986), Alien 3 (1992), and Alien: Resurrection (1997), along with loads of extra features.
Barry Manilow’s The Greatest Songs of the Eighties
Since I have a blog on seventies and eighties pop culture, I have determined that it is my duty to own this album. I am especially keen to hear Barry’s version of Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up.
Darth Vader Bobblehead
I think I could use one of these bad boys on my desk at work. You know, to remind myself of the badass that I really am. There are a lot of other fun Star Wars-themed chotchkies out there, including a Darth Vader Toaster, a Yoda Luggage Tag, and for you real Star Wars geeks there is the all-new three-volume Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia.
A-Team Lunchbox
I don’t know what I would ever do with this vintage 1983 A-Team lunch box since I don’t pack a lunch any more. Maybe I could start carrying it around at work like a pseudo-brief case. Except I’m pretty sure my laptop won’t fit in there. Hmm… I’m sure I’ll think of some use for this lunch box to justify my unholy desire to own one.
A Christmas Story Ultimate Collector’s Edition A Christmas Story (1983) has been a holiday favorite at our house for as long as I can remember. Who can’t love a movie that includes a kid shooting his eye out with a BB gun, a kid who is triple-dog-dared to stick his tongue to a light pole, a pink bunny suit, and a leg lamp? The Ultimate Collector’s Edition comes with a 2-disc DVD set of the movie (including one disc of extra features), a collectible cookie tin with cookie cutters, a red apron, and a cookbook with recipes inspired from the movie.
The Year Without A Santa Claus Deluxe Edition
And speaking of holiday specials, my DVD collection wouldn’t be complete without The Year Without a Santa Claus (1974), my favorite Rankin-Bass movie. Who doesn’t love the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser? We have this on VHS but I seriously don’t remember how to hook up the VCR any more so it is high time we owned this on DVD.
I wish I owned satin nightwear of Arnel triacetate and nylon with elbow-length sleeves, self-tie sash, contrast trim, two waist pockets and an elastic waistband. Le Sigh.
These are just a few of the songs available on the 1979 Disney record Mickey Mouse Disco.
Thanks to Chris of VintageGent’s Menswear Daily for suggesting Mickey Mouse Disco as a topic for The RollerBlog.
Chris says:
Perhaps the true death of disco had nothing to do with the dawn of punk or new wave. I propose that what really killed it or sort of signaled the fact that it had become passe’ was the release of the LP “DISCO MICKEY MOUSE”. I think this was in 1978/79. My great-aunt bought a copy for each set of sister’s grandkids.
If you have any seventies memories to share feel free to contact me at rollerblog at gmail dot com.
I have discovered the worst seventies movie of all time. This one makes The Star Wars Holiday Special and Xanadu look like Academy Award material.
Horrible special effects? Check.
Picture toy spaceships floating across a black backdrop with Christmas lights poked through a few holes and you have the general idea. Then repeat.
Atrocious dialog? Check.
“Fourth dimensional attack!” “Go now, quickly. The survival of the galaxy is in your hands!” And this is only a taste of the brilliantly bad movie quotes from this film.
Unfortunate B-Movie Sci-Fi Fashion? Check.
Our heroine spends half of the movie running around in a bikini that seems to be made out of electrical tape. And she still manages to sport a jaunty turned-up collar. Not to mention the prevalent use of capes and codpieces. I didn’t know women could even wear codpieces.
David Hasselhoff? Check.
Need I say more?
Put it all together and what do you have? Starcrash, a 1979 Italian film that is the new crown jewel in my “So Bad It’s Good” movie collection.
The movie begins with Anton (Marjoe Gortner) and Stella Star (Caroline Munro) as they pilot their ship through space. They are smugglers on the run and, unfortunately for them, they are caught and thrown into prison. But their luck is about to change. The Emperor himself frees our adventurous heroes from a lifetime behind bars and sends them on a dangerous mission to destroy the evil Count Zar Tharn, and also to rescue the Prince of the Galaxy.
So Anton and Stella set off on their adventure with their erstwhile captors, Thor (a hulking bald green man) and Elle (a neurotic robot with a Southern accent). Their first stop is a planet inhabited by Amazon-like women who are loyal to the evil Count Zar Tharn. Stella and Elle escape the clutches of the Amazon queen only to be pursued by an enormous female giant that is brought to life by the magic of … claymation! (The best part? The Amazon Queen commands the giant by shooting lasers out of her eyes, a la laser cats).
In the next part of their mission, Elle and Stella find themselves stranded on a desolate, frozen planet. Thor has defected in order to “join Count Zar Tharn as the Prince of the League of Darkness.” In a touching scene, Elle and Stella confess their robot-human love for one another:
Stella: Elle, as an opponent I always knew you were programmed to never give up which was infuriating. But now that quality must be (sic) best. You’re the most faithful companion a woman ever had.
Elle: And I too respect you, Stella. You’re the nicest human being I’ve known. Now maybe is a good time to use your ancient system of prayer, and hope it works for robots as well.
Stella: Good-bye, my friend.
I hate to break it to you, but that is not the end of the movie. Our heroes escape to yet another planet, where they are set upon by viscous club-wielding cavemen. Stella is rescued by a mysterious man who shoots lasers out of his eyes. The man turns out to be none other than the Emperor’s long lost son Simon, played by a fresh-faced David Hasselhoff. After a journey to the planet’s core, our heroes meet the evil Count Zar Tharn himself and must battle with his claymation robot henchmen. Zar Tharn escapes, and by a miraculous turn of events, the Emperor shows up and commands his Imperial Battleship to halt the flow of time so that they can flee the planet before it explodes.
At this point in the movie I couldn’t help but remarking that if the Emperor can halt the flow of time, why didn’t he freeze time earlier in the movie and prevent Count Zar Tharn from committing such dastardly deeds? To which Mr. Rollerblog suggested that the Emperor would have been better off halting the flow of time before the movie began so we wouldn’t have had to watch it in the first place. (Ha! We jest. We love this movie. Really).
But I digress. After escaping from the exploding planet, the Emperor and Count Zar Thorn engage in an epic space battle. The Emperor shoots torpedoes into the Emperor’s starship - not filled with explosives or bombs, but with guys who jump out and fire laser guns! Not surprisingly, this tactic is not a success.
The Emperor and Simon are then faced with no other choice; they must use their secret weapon. Star Crash! The fourth dimension! To pull this off, Stella must pilot a floating city on a collision course with Count Zar Tharn’s ship. Now, I’m not really sure what this has to do with the fourth dimension, but who am I to question the wisdom of The Hoff?
So, there you have it. My new favorite terrible, horrible, awful, and therefore, AWESOME, seventies movie of all time. Intrigued? Check out the movie trailer:
I’m delighted to announce that we have a special guest this week at the Rollerblog. This blog post comes at you courtesy of Chris Cameron from Angry Seafood. It is our first guest post here at the Rollerblog - if you are interested in doing a guest post let me know at rollerblog at gmail dot com.
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The Warriors
By Chris Cameron
Warriors come out and play-ay!
The Warriors, the 1979 action drama, is not what you expect out of a gang film. There is no mafia, no turf/class struggle, or no tales of growing up on the wrong side of the law.
It is simply an exciting, dramatic, tension-filled story of one gang having to run the gauntlet to get home after being framed for murder.
The story begins in Coney Island, the home of The Warriors gang. Nine of the gang members have been invited to take part in a meeting with all the gangs of New York in the Bronx. The largest gang in the city, the Riffs, and its leader, Cyrus, reveal their plans to unite all of the New York gangs. Unfortunately, Cyrus is killed in mid-speech.
The assassination turns the scene into chaos. Suddenly, a random gang called The Rogues accuses The Warriors of killing Cyrus. Now our ‘heroes’ must get across town and back to Coney Island while having to deal with the rival gangs out to stop them.
On their way home, The Warriors must contend with groups like the Baseball Furies (who dress like baseball players and swing bats for weapons), the Orphans (who have a self-esteem issue and also weren’t invited to the meeting), and the Lizzies (an all girl-gang) - as well as the police.
Meanwhile The Rogues are still hot on The Warriors’ trail.
Throughout the film, a radio DJ periodically gives updates on the group’s progress, in order to let the other gangs know where The Warriors are. The DJ also provides these updates for for the benefit of the viewer, and to introduce music into the movie.
The music in the film gives a dark, mechanical feel and the multitude of tight shots add to the tension of the chase.The cast isn’t full of known stars but you will recognize a few of them. Michael Beck, who played Swan, was also in the extremely weird 1980 film Xanadu.
James Remar, who plays Ajax, has recently been in episodes of ‘Jericho’, ‘CSI: Miami’, and ‘Dexter’.
Deborah Van Valkenburgh, who portrayed the trashy girl Mercy, went on to star in the highly over-rated ‘Too Close for Comfort’ sitcom.
If you haven’t seen The Warriors yet put this flick on the top of your must-rent or buy list. You will thank me later.
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Chris Cameron is the founder of Angry Seafood, a blog of odd, weird, and sometimes dirty humor. He also writes a weekly political humor column every Thursday at Radioactive Liberty and loves movies.
Don’t you wish that you owned these sassy PJs? I know I do.
This gem is a page from the 1979 Sears Wishbook, coutesy of Wishbook on Flickr. Dying to see more? Wishbook has uploaded more catalogs from the 70s from JC Penneys, Sears and Eaton’s. Hours and hours of fun.
rollerkaty
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We’re not big sports fans here at The RollerBlog household. We do enjoy baseball (well, specifically, we’re loyal Mariners fans) and RollerReggie likes to watch the occasional soccer game, but that’s about it. We really don’t follow football, and the only Super Bowl game that I can recall watching took place three years ago when our own Seattle Seahawks were actually in the Super Bowl.
